​Do You Wonder Why You Still Feel Like a Child Around Your Parents?

To truly grow into our adult selves, we must first understand the roots of our childhood dynamics and learn to set boundaries that honour who we’ve become.

Do you ever find yourself back in your childhood home, only to feel like you've regressed to being a teenager again? You're not alone. Many adults struggle with feeling like they're being treated as a child by their parents, especially when visiting home. This feeling can be expected, easily managed, and doesn't have to impose a negative impact. But what if it's not manageable and causes anxiety, emotional distress and has a lasting negative impact? It can be frustrating and even a bit embarrassing for others, but understanding the dynamics can help you navigate these situations and assert your adult identity.
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Story: The Struggle: Feeling Stuck in the Past
Take Leanne, a 30-year-old marketing professional who lives on her own and has a thriving career. Yet, every time she visits her parents, she’s bombarded with unsolicited advice, questions about her life choices and even questions about whether she remembers eating vegetables, just like when she was 15. Despite her accomplishments, Leanne finds herself slipping into old habits, feeling defensive and even doubting her decisions. For many years, it has just been easier to play the role as a sulking teenager, but Leanne is planning on introducing  her new girlfriend.
This dynamic is a classic example of what happens when impinging parents fail to recognise that their child has grown up. Impinging refers to the act of intruding or encroaching upon someone else's boundaries. In this context, impinging parents excessively interfere in their adult child's life, crossing emotional and personal boundaries. While this behaviour often stems from a place of care or concern, it can feel stifling and can prevent both parties from building a more mature, respectful relationship.

Understanding the Root Cause
Parents who treat their adult children like kids often do so out of habit, concern, or a difficulty in letting go of their role as the primary caregiver. For Leanne’s parents, their behaviour might stem from a genuine desire to protect and guide her, even if it’s no longer needed or appropriate. However, this well-meaning concern can feel stifling and can prevent both parties from building a more mature, respectful relationship.

Strategies for Asserting Your Adulthood
If you find yourself in Leanne’s shoes, here are a few strategies to help you navigate these tricky situations:

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1. Set Clear Boundaries: It’s essential to establish boundaries with your parents. This doesn’t mean cutting them off, but rather gently reminding them that you’re capable of making your own decisions. For example, if your parent starts offering unsolicited advice, you might say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’ve got this handled.”
2. Communicate Your Feelings: Sometimes, parents may not realise how their behaviour affects you. Having an honest conversation about how their actions make you feel can help. Use “I” statements, such as, “I feel frustrated when you ask me about every little detail of my life because it makes me feel like you don’t trust my judgement.”
3. Demonstrate Responsibility: Show your parents through your actions that you’re an independent adult. Take the initiative in family situations, make decisions and manage your affairs confidently. Over time, they may begin to see you more as an equal.
4. Stay Calm and Collected: When you feel like you’re being treated as a child, it’s easy to get defensive or revert to old patterns. However, staying calm and collected can help defuse the situation. Remember, reacting like an adult will reinforce the idea that you are one.
5. Give Them Time to Adjust: Changing a lifelong dynamic takes time. Be patient with your parents as they adjust to seeing you as an adult. They might not change overnight, but consistent boundaries and clear communication can gradually shift the relationship.

Moving Forward
For adults like Leanne, learning how to navigate the tricky dynamics of being treated as a child by your parents is key to maintaining a healthy relationship. By setting boundaries, communicating openly and demonstrating your adulthood, you can help shift the relationship to one of mutual respect. It’s about creating a new normal where you’re seen and treated as the capable adult you are. If you feel like you need support with any issues you are going through, reach out and let's have a chat.