​Learn how overthinking fuels stress and anxiety and explore strategies to manage these feelings with counselling support.

It starts as a single thought but quickly grows and before you know it, you’ve created an entire narrative around what could go wrong. Overthinking can sometimes lead to false beliefs about what might happen, which makes the urge to find a solution even more stressful. Many of my clients share that this kind of thinking is exhausting and overwhelming, often making it difficult to focus or make decisions.
When thoughts become tangled, negative patterns creep in, accompanied by irrational thinking and unrealistic fears. In some cases, the stress of facing these fears can lead to behaviours like avoiding the truth or telling small lies, which can create even more anxiety and stress from the fear of being caught.
Counselling offers a safe and supportive environment where clients can explore how these defence mechanisms are often attempts to protect themselves from false beliefs or fears shaped by external pressures or societal norms. In this blog, we'll explore how stress and overthinking work together and how understanding their roots can help you find a way forward and improve your mental-health.

If you've seen my social media posts about trauma and are curious about what trauma-informed care involves, this blog post is for you. As a counsellor specialising in trauma-informed care, I assist clients in comprehending and resolving their past experiences, acknowledging how these experiences affect their current lives.

What is Trauma-Informed Care?
Trauma-informed care is a therapeutic approach that recognises the influence of trauma on an individual’s life and aims to establish a safe environment for healing. This approach involves not only understanding trauma but also validating and addressing the underlying causes of the issues my clients are currently experiencing.

How Trauma-Informed Care Works in My Counselling Practice
In my sessions, trauma-informed care involves several key techniques and principles designed to support and empower clients:

Do you ever find yourself back in your childhood home, only to feel like you've regressed to being a teenager again? You're not alone. Many adults struggle with feeling like they're being treated as a child by their parents, especially when visiting home. This feeling can be expected, easily managed, and doesn't have to impose a negative impact. But what if it's not manageable and causes anxiety, emotional distress and has a lasting negative impact? It can be frustrating and even a bit embarrassing for others, but understanding the dynamics can help you navigate these situations and assert your adult identity.
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Story: The Struggle: Feeling Stuck in the Past
Take Leanne, a 30-year-old marketing professional who lives on her own and has a thriving career. Yet, every time she visits her parents, she’s bombarded with unsolicited advice, questions about her life choices and even questions about whether she remembers eating vegetables, just like when she was 15. Despite her accomplishments, Leanne finds herself slipping into old habits, feeling defensive and even doubting her decisions. For many years, it has just been easier to play the role as a sulking teenager, but Leanne is planning on introducing  her new girlfriend.
This dynamic is a classic example of what happens when impinging parents fail to recognise that their child has grown up. Impinging refers to the act of intruding or encroaching upon someone else's boundaries. In this context, impinging parents excessively interfere in their adult child's life, crossing emotional and personal boundaries. While this behaviour often stems from a place of care or concern, it can feel stifling and can prevent both parties from building a more mature, respectful relationship.

Understanding the Root Cause
Parents who treat their adult children like kids often do so out of habit, concern, or a difficulty in letting go of their role as the primary caregiver. For Leanne’s parents, their behaviour might stem from a genuine desire to protect and guide her, even if it’s no longer needed or appropriate. However, this well-meaning concern can feel stifling and can prevent both parties from building a more mature, respectful relationship.

Strategies for Asserting Your Adulthood
If you find yourself in Leanne’s shoes, here are a few strategies to help you navigate these tricky situations:

​Understanding the distinction between the fear of being alone and feeling lonely is essential when healing from trauma. It not only helps in identifying these emotions but also paves the way for effective coping strategies.
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As a counsellor, I've witnessed many clients grapple with the confusion between these two experiences. Although they might seem similar, they are distinct. Recognising the difference is the first step towards addressing underlying issues. By understanding whether my clients fear solitude or feel lonely, we can work together to find healthier coping mechanisms and build meaningful connections. In this blog, I'll share some tips on how to identify whether you fear being alone or feel alone.

How Do You Know If You Fear Being Alone?
The fear of being alone is primarily rooted in anxiety. It’s the unease that arises when we think about being by ourselves without the distraction of other people or external activities. This fear often leads to avoidance behaviours, where we might constantly seek company or keep ourselves busy to prevent being alone. This can significantly impact relationships, causing issues related to dependency and control. You might find yourself jumping from one unhealthy relationship to another, unable to be single for any period, or staying in toxic relationships because the fear of being alone outweighs the desire for a healthier, more fulfilling connection.

Signs You May Fear Being Alone:

• Constant Need for Company: Always seeking out friends, family, or even strangers to avoid spending time alone.
• Anxiety and Unease: Feeling anxious or uncomfortable at the thought of being by yourself.
• Avoidance Behaviours: Constantly keeping busy to prevent being alone.
• Relationship Dependency: Jumping from one relationship to another or staying in toxic relationships due to fear of solitude.
• Negative Self-Talk: Believing that you require others to be happy or fulfilled.
• Social Media Overuse: Using social media excessively to combat loneliness and seek validation.
• Difficulty with Self-Reflection: Struggling to engage in self-reflection or introspection due to fear of what you might discover.

The fear of being alone in adulthood may be influenced by your childhood environment, people, or places. Understanding your childhood can shed light on why you fear being alone, but it doesn’t mean you can’t improve who you are today. Here are some tips to start when you're ready for change:

From a personal perspective, I've realised that working on my self-worth didn't just start with journalling, self-care, grounding techniques, or meditation. The healing process began by restoring the lost pieces, understanding why I behave the way I do, acknowledging my privileges in society, and recognising the challenges of being the eldest sibling in the home.
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I remember looking after my siblings, cooking dinner and cleaning the house before I could even ask, "Can I play out?" Growing up in South London before gaming took over the world, there was a freedom to socialise and develop life skills when playing outside. As the oldest, I've come to understand through counselling that my upbringing involved more responsibility than that of my siblings, which is a common experience.
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Although my basic needs were met, I felt emotionally unsupported because my mother was not there for me in that way. At the time, I didn't have the words to express or even realise that my childhood lacked emotional support. The truth is, all my friends came from similar backgrounds; we were physically cared for but lacked emotional support. We all felt loved, but we rarely heard the words “I love you.” Expressions of love were not shown like in American movies. Love was communicated differently, often through actions rather than words. Those movies always made me question what love really is, which had a significant impact on my self-worth as an adult.
This article will explore how childhood emotional neglect impacts self-esteem and self-worth in adulthood and provide strategies to heal these wounds. I hope this read will offer you the insights needed to begin reclaiming your self-worth and building a healthier, more fulfilling life.
 
Therapeutic Work - Chantel’s Story

When Chantel first came to me, she was on the verge of leaving her partner. She felt deeply undervalued and couldn't understand why she kept ending up in unhealthy relationships. As we built a strong therapeutic relationship, Chantel began to open up about her past. Through our sessions, she started to see how her upbringing had shaped her current behaviour patterns. Chantel realised that her childhood experiences, particularly those where she felt neglected and unworthy, were influencing her choices in men. She often attracted emotionally unavailable partners—the ones who never listened, forgot birthdays, and dismissed her emotional needs.
By exploring these connections, Chantel gained invaluable insights into the origins of her low self-esteem and feelings of unworthiness. She recognised that her tendency to seek out partners who mirrored her childhood experiences was a way of unconsciously trying to 'fix' her past. With this new awareness, she began working on breaking the cycle of emotional neglect by prioritising her self-worth and setting healthier boundaries in her relationships. Chantel's journey wasn't easy, but with each session, she moved closer to making more fulfilling and healthy decisions when starting and building her relationships.